Bollywood Gyan

I thought it would be weird to be back in this space after the long sabbatical that I took..and of course it isn't. I'm back to writing stuff that makes more sense to me than anyone else. People who know me well would call me 'filmi...very very filmi'.( I see the curves of your mouths turning up into a smile) Not because I have an exaggerated reaction to the events that unfold around me, but because I have a song, a quote, a name for every occasion. Anything that reminds me of Bombay ( It will always be Bombay to me), anything that reminds me of Bollywood.

They say most surveys show that Indian kids are some of the brightest, smartest minds on this planet. Of course I am not here to argue with well established facts..I am just here to let the world in on our secret source of smartness, a teacher that we would have even if we didn't know how to read, write or spell ( some cases are hopeless even after a master's degree)...BOLLYWOOD.

Think about it. Bollywood has taught us some of life's most important lessons. For those who are a little slow on the uptake..never fear, Neha's here! Ahem Ahem..follows hidden messages in some of Bollywood's most famous dialogues.

Management Lessons

• "Bhag dhanno bhag..aaj teri Basanti ki ijjat ka sawaal hai" ...MOTIVATION. Dhanno got wise and ran for her life and not Basanti's ..she knew Basanti would whip her death if she didn't.
• "Jao pehele usse jake poocho jisne mere haath pe yeh likha"...PLAYING THE BLAME GAME also known in higher management levels as "FINGER POINTING"
• "Holi kab hai..kab hai holi"/"poonam ki raat ko raat ke bara baje"/"jumme ki raat ko"...SCHEDULING
• "Bhagwaan aaj tak maine tumse kuch nahin maanga..aaj meri yeh iccha tumhe poori karni hi padegi": NEGOTIATION
• "Na gilaaf, Na lehaaf (Na gilaaf, Na lehaaf thandi hawa ke khilaaf sasuri) O itni sardi hai kisika lehaaf lehi leh O jaa padosi ke chuleh se aag lehi leh" :RESOURCE UTILIZATION
• "Aaj mere paas gaadi hai, bangla hai, paisa hai, bank balance hai..tumhare paas kya hai?""Mere pass MAA hai":STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES ANALYSIS
• `Anarkali, Salim ki mohabbat tumhe marne nahin degi aur hum tumhe jeene nahin denge.':TOUGH CHOICES
• "Duniya ki koi taqat humein nahin judaa kar sakti":CONFIDENCE
• "Hum line mein khade nahin rehte..hum jahaan khade ho jate hai wahin se line shuru hoti hai..chup chaap khade raho" :LEADING FROM THE FRONT
• "Main tumhari pai pai lautaungi/Ek ek ko chun chun ke marunga" BUDGETING & ACCOUNTING
  

Science , Literature and Culture Lessons

Now, as true Bollywood fanatics, we can't be inspired by just about anyone..we have specialists to guide us namely these people:

1. Dr. Rajnikanth
2. Dr. Mithun Chakraborthy a.k.a Dada
3. Any tom dick n harry from the Telugu film industry.
4.Mr. India a.k.a Jhakaasssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
5.Bappida


Rajnikanth has led a very unconventional life..his entire life has been dedicated to proving that all laws of physics which the rest of the world knows are in fact bullshit, and that had the world functioned according to the science of his world...we would have been searching for life on Jupiter instead of Osama bin Laden.He could give 007 a run for his money..and Bond is fictional!So u can shoot a gun in the air and shoot the trigger of that gun to eventually kill a person u can't see on the other side of the wall...has been successfully demonstrated. He calls it the "Law of transferred motion".Eventually if some innocent beggar got hit by mistake one can always claim innocence saying that it was the gun in the air that shot the beggar. Sheer Genius!Now we know why they have temple in his name in the South of India. Rumor has it while praying if you have a cheap handkerchief around your neck and wear dark sunglasses even in the shade..you might be the lucky few blessed by Rajni...

Dada is indeed the baap of all literature. Words spoken by him and heard by any random fool will not be forgotten, in fact will linger around and haunt him.His philosophies on love, life and lust have been considered radical and without doubt Mithun has changed every ideology laid down by generations of so-called thinkers.A few examples for your benefit...beware after reading your brain might stop functioning from the profound impact of the words..this is considered to be a boon..

• On fear: “Mai jis gali se guzarta hoo waha bachcha paida hone se pehle durrkar maa ke pet me susu kar deta hai!!” (Loha)/“Hum aise laashen bicha denge jaise kisi nanhe munhe bacche ke nunhi se pesaab tapakta hain—tap tap” ( Gunda)
• On multiple personality disorders:“Dikhne me bewada, daudne me ghoda, aur maarne me hathoda hoon main”
• On living life in the fast lane: Aami kukur ke biskoot, beral ke doodh aar criminal ke gooli khawai. Tai tara aamar payer kaache pore thake.

  I feed dogs with biscuit, cats with milk and criminals with “goli”. That’s why they always reside near my feet.

Has long been known to contribute to the world of poetry.Wordsworth, Shakespeare and Tagore can go take a hike, here comes dada..

"Munni O Meri Munni...
To tu mar gayee????
Lambe ne tujhe lamba kar diya???
Machis ki teeli ko khamba kar diya?"

They say a lot of people tore up their poems and requested to be hit by amnesia after hearing this..


Has lived by Rajnikanth's laws of applied physics...how else can you explain that , after dodging a bullet and realizing that the bullet is about to hit his widowed mother, he runs faster than the bullet and catches it like a toothpick in the nick of time?Or throws a a knife and splits a bullet in 2 to kill 2 gangsters at the same time. ( Management students please note..excellent example for resource utilization)has inspired a new idiom in Literature : to kill 2 gangsters with one bullet..and one knife.Has been nominated for a Nobel prize for discovering a way to move faster than electricity...has held demonstrations where he saves his ugly heroine from an electric chair.Has been publicly applauded for forwarding a petition to have coolies at airports (Gunda)


Bollywood's southern connection has helped inspire many dance moves. But the sheer brilliance lies in the fact that these dance moves are not dance moves at all , rather are inspired from everyday activities.Like in 'yaar bina chain'..dance was inspired by rock stars playing tennis, so was the costume."anne de anne de paas anne de" from Shola aur Shabnam was inspired by morning walks. Rather a tennis star taking a morning walk.Most films suggest that a costume has nothing to do with the song itself. How else can we explain Sridevi dancing in an 'amrapali' costume, decked in jewellery from head to foot dancing with a apparently mental Jeetendra dressed in ujala white shoes among decorated pots..on a beach????????!!???


Our music is a category in "world music" when actually it has been severely misplaced, the music is "out of this world"..especially the lyrics.

I remember a Sridevi and Jeetendra song which goes like
" mama mia pom pom
pyaar ki gadi..aur badhao..accelerator aur dabao
readdddddddddddyyyyyyyyyy? Stop!
mama mia..pom pom!!!"

Of course some of our southern brothers are way ahead of us:

" If you come today its too yearly......(he meant early)
If you come tomaaarrroo..its to laaaaaaate
You pick the time.....tic tic tic tic, tic tic tic tic
Darling!!!!!!"
reference:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-PFURM9eA_Q

In a classic display of antithesis...

"Love me or hate me kiss me or kill me...oh darling please do something to me...tururururu"

Reference:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzwmcbrLv7Y&feature=related

"Taliban alla alla, Bin laden alve alla" translated it means" Not Taliban, Not Bin Laden, he mbombed a building, I bombed your heart...let there be no misunderstanding" ..sheer inspiration from current affairs.

reference:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pS-mRfpQzTk

And the award for mind boggling lyrics go to...................

Upendra!!!!(cheers cheers)

" Dangerr...................15-20 Dangerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
20-30 Soldierrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
30-40 Hunterrrrrrrrrrrrr
40 came knee begger
50 came male puncture!!!!!"

Reference:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HjVZ7UFzJOE


We have a a lot to learn from Bollywood..

About love:" kabhi hum ek dusre ko kho kar bhi to pyaar ko uncha darja dete hai,juda rehkar pyaar ki unchai ko prapt karte hai,aur pyaar mila to bhi judai bhi to ek pyaar hai....(kisna) "

About Life and death: zindagi aur maut oopar wale ke haath hai jahpanah ise naa to aap badal sakte hain na main, hum to rangmanch ki kathputliyan hain jinki dor oopar wale ke haath mein hai,kaun,kab,kaise uthega ye koi nahin jaanta ha ha ha........ (Anand)

About friendship:Dosti ke do usool hai Mr. No sorry no thank you..dosti ki hai nibhani to padegi hi(Maine pyaar kiya)

About relationships: " Rishte mein hum tumhare baap lagte hain, naam Shehenshah"

About lust: " Yeh dil pyaar nahin janta..janta hai to sirf bhook..jism ki bhook" ( kal ho na ho)

About geography: "Idhar se jao ya udhar se jao..sab rasta god ke paas jaata hai" (Kabhi haan kabhi naa)

About history:Itihas phir se dahurata hai

About law: Kanoon ke haath bahut lambe hai

About winning:" Kabhi kabhi kuch jeetne ke liye kuch harna bhi padta hai..aur har ke jeetne wale ko Baazigar kehte hai!"

So you can see, though illiteracy is ramphant in India, the education never stops. Though the brains may have stopped working, the entertainment never does.
And as put Life here eventually results in " Happys endings", so keep coming back to this space because

" bakwaas abhi baki hai mere dost!!!"